Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
