Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
