everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
