is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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