So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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