the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
