come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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