Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
