so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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