why didn't you poke me back
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I believe in your delicious
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
