I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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