You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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