Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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