before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize