I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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