You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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