dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
