the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
