I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
