he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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