Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's the barista slut.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
