Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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