yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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