You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
