Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
