God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
North Korea, Best Korea!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
