You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
