A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
