well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
