he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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