hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
