The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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