Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
