did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
