I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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