That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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