Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
