Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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