Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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