I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
