...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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