Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
