if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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