ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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