I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize