You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Let's paint friendship bongs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
