3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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