so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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