I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
