It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
