Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
