Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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