dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
