piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
