Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
