If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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