Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
